Hey, Folks — Mulligan Jesus here — with an important message about Your Eternal Soul: Made Ya Look!
Mulligan Jesus couldn’t care less about your ‘soul’ whatever that is (and don’t go telling Mulligan Jesus how it’s some ‘real thing’ that lives inside you cos that’s gonna make Mulligan Jesus puke. Shut the fuck up with that nonsense!)
What Mulligan Jesus cares about is — like the headline says — making Fundamentalism FUN again. And THAT starts with ditching all those bullshit rules. What kind of religion wants some school marm calling the shots? What the fuck does some old lady know about having fun — amiright?
That’s why MULLIGAN JESUS says — ‘Embrace your INNER DUDE, Dude!’
You already HAVE a mom — you don’t need some creepy stranger telling ya what to do all the time, do ya? Of course not!
You wanna cheat on your girlfriend? What’re ya looking at ME for? Go cheat. You know where to send the revenge porn, right?
Wanna screw over a few people just cos ya can? Screw away, pal — the only price you’ll pay is the time it takes to do all that screwing. Some day, that too will be ‘automated’ — saving YOU more time so you can (say it with me) SCREW MORE PEOPLE OVER! (Can I hear a hearty ‘Mulligan Jesus BOO-YAH!’)?
Wanna lie & cheat & steal & even murder if a situation makes that kinda necessary (and who, I ask ya, hasn’t had THAT mess fall in yer damned lap more often than you’d care to admit)? Then you need to be a member of the Fastest, Growing-est. Getting More ‘Fun-est’ by the Hour-est religion there is (in THIS zip code anyway) — “The First Church of MULLIGAN JESUS — The DO-OVER DEITY’.
And — as always — Tips aren’t just welcome — they’re required.
As we say here — with deepest reverence of course — “Do Unto Others… Before Those motherfuckers Do Unto You First”.