Hey, Mitch — Betcha I Know What You’re Thinkin’… You, Too, Paul & Donald…


A writer’s mind has to be a little like a fitting room at a clothing store.

You want to know how a character would feel about a certain thing happening?  You (the writer) ‘try it on’.  You imagine what it must really FEEL like to experience what they’re experiencing — right down to the wailing at the Universe because it’s so fucking unfair…

With that in mind —

Welcome to “BIG AL’S USED POLITICS EMPORIUM”.  “All sales are final.  Unless they’re not.”

Looks like a lot of last year’s fashions are still here.  Couldn’t sell em then, I highly doubt anyone’s gonna sell em now.  Yet there they are.  I wonder what that means… Let’s try a few of them on and see if it ‘suggests’ anything…

First up — A ‘Mitch McConnell’ — The design suggests a turtle (as we all know) but a SNAPPING turtle — one that will draw blood and eat you if you’re not careful.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell speaks to reporters about allegations made against Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore on Capitol Hill in Washington


Here’s what ‘The Mitch’ is ‘feeling’ like’:  “I ain’t going down.  And if I am going down, I’m taking the whole fucking country with me.”

The Paul Ryan rag was worn to the bone and threadbare the moment it slouched into the store.

The design is ‘overly rich’ — probably took hours to make (so, figure someone got paid nothing to do it) — but utterly lacking in taste or class.  And the stitching makes no sense; the ‘garment’ just doesn’t hang together right and won’t fit anyone except the very rich — and it will look HORRIBLE on them —


The Feel?  “I’m doomed.  Doomed.  Why did I say that thing about Russia paying Trump and Rohrbacher being a ‘Family Thing’ out loud?  What the fuck was I thinking?  I’m doomed.  DOOMED!”

The “Susan Collins” just came into the store.  We saw a a few of these ‘walking past’ the shop — and they looked (from a distance) to be well-made:  lots of ‘integrity’ in the workmanship.  But, up close?  Not even remotely well made —


The ‘feel’:  “I’m between a rock and a hard place here.  Everyone has secrets.  Everyone.  You don’t know the pressure I’m under.  I’ll be mortified WHEN (not if) everyone learns what the hell we did… and why… I really have sold my soul to ‘the Devil’…”.

Then there’s THIS piece of shit… The Donald… So many shapes and sizes — and all of them — WILDLY OVERPRICED CRAP —

A lot of media folks think they know how The  Donald feels when worn.  But they imagine a ‘normal’ kind of experience — as if the ‘garment’ would make you feel like a regular human.  Except it doesn’t.

The Donald — from the moment you actually SLIP INTO IT feels like THIS —

“Did I ‘do it’?  Who cares?  I don’t.  I’m after a deal here.  You all might think I’m going down but I don’t lose.  Ever.  I’m going to fuck over everyone I have to — CHILDREN AND FAMILY INCLUDED — to walk away from this.  I have been blackmailing the whole republican party with KOMPROMAT Vladimir gave me on each and every republican.  I own them.  I own them all.  And IF I do go down?  Every last one of these fuckers is going down with me.”

“Oh — and those ‘piss tapes’?  It isn’t me pissing on anyone (and believe me — no Russian hooker is pissing on ME) — it’s ME shouting the ‘N’ word at the top of my lungs while Russian hookers PISS ON THE BED OBAMA SLEPT IN in Moscow.  Yeah… I made quite the specatle of myself.  But I hate Obama — cos no black guy should ever have been president…”.

What’s The Donald ‘feel like’?  It feels like this —


That’s The Donald for ya — It’s The Republican Brand.

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