Show Me A Televangelist And I’ll Show You A Fraud

Sometimes you have to pick the low hanging fruit just to get it out of your face. Televangelists are, by their nature, low hanging fruit. Some televangelists however hang even lower — they’re that rotten. You thought “stinking rich” was just a saying?

There’s nothing wrong with being a writer and selling your books. Even if you SUCK as a writer (like, say, Ayn Rand, L. Ron Hubbard or Joel O’Steen) — if you can (without cheating them beyond selling crap with a straight face) get them to give you their money, good on ya! If you can get mooks to throw dollar bills they need into your over-brimming coffers? That’s pretty good salesmanship. If you can get multitudes to show up at your mega-church or watch your masturbatory stroke-a-thons — you’re a great entertainer.

Any suggestiostion you can help anyone spiritually is Prime Grade A Bullshhit. You’re not interested in anyone’s “spirituality”, you’re interested in their money — because you have to be. It ain’t cheap or easy maintaining a fortune built on other peoples’ gullibility. You have to constantly beat them up to keep the money flowing. You have to keep the bullshit factory inside your head cranking out the bullshit 24/7/365.

Televangelism has nothing to do with spirituality & everything to do with “religion” — especially religion as it’s practiced in America. From the get-go, America has been a place where bullshit prospers and finds a flock. From Mormonism to Seventh Day Adventists to Jehovah’s Witnesses to Pentacostalists to Christian Scientists to Scientologists, bizarre off-shoots of Christianity (in Scientology’s case a bizarre offshoot of one bad writer’s writing) the greedy and power mad have consistently found minds weak enough to gobble down bullshit they’re selling as spiritual fulfillment.

Here’s an interesting list of ten of the wealthiest pastors. There shouldn’t BE any such list — anywhere. “Rich pastor” is a non sequitur. A contradiction of terms. You cannot be rich and be a pastor. By becoming a pastor, you (I know it’s only in theory) told the world that you were modeling your life after Jesus’s. Well, sorry no one told you but Jesus didn’t fly around Judea in a private jet. If he had access to one — he wouldn’t have done it either.

There’s no such thing as a “Prosperity Gospel”. Well, there IS such a thing — it’s an invention of rich entertainers who needed to wrap their success in religious faith in order to keep being rich entertainers. Perhaps there was a moment or two in each of their lives where, on some level, in some way, they experienced a vague desire to “help someone”. Then it passed and they went back to figuring out how to get rich quick.

Joyce Meyer (worth $8 million)… T. D. Jakes (worth $18 million)… Franklin Graham (worth $25 million)… Rick Warren (worth $25 million)… Creflo Dollar (worth $27 million)… Joel O’Steen (worth $40 million)… Benny Hinn (net worth $60 million)… Pat Robertson (net worth $100 million)… Kenneth Copeland (net worth $300 MILLION — and there’s reason to believe it could actually be closer to $750 million!!!)

If your name is on this list and you 1) don’t feel deeply, deeply shamed and 2) haven’t already moved heaven and earth to NOT be on this list, then you are a fraud.

If you’re Kenneth Copeland, you’re a fraud and a crook and a psychopath…

Not a one of these asshats would recognize Real Jesus if they stopped mid-way through nailing Jesus to a cross to spit in Jesus’s eye.

[NOTE: this post has been shared with our sister site Mulligan Jesus — https://wordpress.com/posts/mulliganjesus.com.%5D

People Who Believe In Magic Can Never Be Trusted — Because They Believe In Magic

Oh, look — It’s the SS Ooga-Booga!

You’re lying on a gurney, about to be wheeled into emergency surgery. The surgeon appears — big smile on his face — just before they put you under.

“Nothing to worry about,” he says (a little too loudly), “You’re gonna be fine — I just know it! I prayed as hard as I could and god said — ‘you got this!’ — so ya see? You’re gonna be okay!” Then he mentions that he’s never actually performed this particular surgery before. Hell — he’s never performed surgery EVER — he PRAYS instead.

He doesn’t have a “track record” of success per se but there’s a lot of road kill where his patients used to be.

As they go to squirt the anesthesia into you — how’s it feel knowing this is probably it for you because the guy performing your surgery BELIEVES IN MAGIC instead of reality?

The same goes for your airline pilot. As he rolls you out toward the runway, the last thing you want to hear is that he decided to forgo refueling the plane (fuel’s so heavy anyway) because he believes you can all get from where you are to where you’re going on faith alone.

People making policy decisions — or going to war — because their core value is magic are dangerous. In America, perversely, we encourage magical thinking in our public officials. Up until very recently, it would have been political suicide to even hint that you were an atheist — even as a mere constituent. The ironic assumption that people with no religious faith are automatically inclined toward violence and chaos is hilarious considering all the violence and chaos religious people cause.

Let’s be absolutely real here — if you tell me that at the very core of everything you believe — that the basis for what you think and do — is a fairy tale so absurd and illogical that a child could pick it apart — that’s so fragile a construction that they had to invent a word (“blasphemy“) to describe realistic reactions to the nonsense — then it’s going to be hard to take ANYTHING you think seriously.

If you deny evolution because it’s not mentioned in a text written by ignorant desert-dwellers 4000 years ago or insist that the earth is only a few thousand years old, that an actual man named Adam and an actual woman named Eve lived for a time in an actual garden called Eden where a talking snake screwed the pooch for humanity — your gullibility is shameful. So’s your lack of critical thinking skills.

If you honestly believe that the NT is literally true — that a sky deity named Yahweh had sex with a virgin human girl in order to produce a man-god that would have to die to forgive the “original sin” committed by an imaginary woman in an imaginary garden — then you’re going to have to understand why your opinion on how I might live my life is totally irrelevant. Your opinion about anything is meaningless because you think total bullshit is true.

We should know more do what you think as go into surgery knowing the surgeon’s an incompetent fool.

America has lived too long in Christianity’s thrall. We are not now and never have been a Christian nation. That was part of the point. But Christians — as opposed to followers of Jesus (a completely separate group of people) are a pushy lot. Proseltyzing is baked into their culture (going all the way back to Paul). “Have ya heard the ‘good news’?” they want to know.

If you haven’t, can they spew it at you? If you don’t want it, can they force it down your throat anyway?

I wish our leaders were deeply spiritual. I want them all to feel connected in every way to their real constituents — the people they represent. I want them to cast off their religion though — because the first has nothing to do with the second.

America is the place where Ooga met Booga and produced a mother lode of bullshit. Mormonism was created here. So was Scientology. So was Branch Dividianism and the cults of Jim Jones & Charles Manson. These are all religions that demand their followers surrender all reason — and accept the magic.

Maybe Nancy Reagan had it right — “Just Say No!” Her problem was she should have been talking about religion, not recreational drugs.

If America’s Going To Heal Itself, FIRST, It Needs To Ditch The “Magical Thinking”

Believing in Magic is fun. It’s the deus ex machina side door out of anything hard and overly challenging. Like Life.

In the theater, it’s “god from machine” — an ending that doesn’t actually add up or make sense but — it was time.

It’s why religion proliferates still — even in the face of cold, hard facts that contradict it. Cold, hard facts aren’t nice. Facts aren’t in the “nice” businesses. They couldn’t give a rat’s ass whether you “like” them or not. Hell — “You” don’t even exist to them.

Facts just are. They’re a-political. They don’t ascribe to any particular faith. To look at them, and interpret them, you don’t need a church. You need a mind. When you refuse to use your mind, a church will quickly step in and do the thinking for you. But churches don’t base THEIR worldview on the world, they base it on their foundational texts — written kajillions of years ago by well-meaning but uninformed men.

If the scribes who wrote what eventually was assembled into the Pentateuch (the Old Testament) — including Genesis — had known that microbes and pathogens exist (therefore explaining sickness and disease) or that earth was NOT at the center of creation (in fact, we’re nowhere near it’s center — if there even is one), they would NOT have written the texts they wrote. Their texts would have been informed by their knowledge. It’s kinda how knowledge is supposed to work.

Instead of the “Book Of Genesis”, perhaps there’d be the “Book Of String Theory” or “The Book of Quantum Physics”.

If that were the case, there’d BE no Magical Thinking.

America has always been extremely friendly to Magical Thinking though. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that a bunch of offshoot, whackadoodle religions were born here. You can think of Protestantism as an offshoot of Catholicism (and Christianity as an offshoot of Judaism), but what the hell is Scientology an offshoot of — other than Chicanery? At least Mormonism pretends to be an offshoot of Christianity (though it takes Christianity to crazy bullshit places even Paul would have called it “over the line” and “beyond anyone’s capacity to believe it”. I’m sorry — Jesus visited North America? Um, no — if he existed, he most certainly did NOT.

The reason nonsense like Mormonism & Scientology (and a host of other to-silly-to-speak-their-names beliefs) finds purchase here is that Americans have always had a “thing” for Magical Thinking. We believed, for instance, that not outlawing slavery in our foundational document — our Constitution — would work out for us. The Civil War and its aftermath says we got that wrong.

Magical Thinking starts early. We force it on every single kid. Some of it — sure, it’s endurable: fairy tales, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny… But the rest of it is just pure ignorant masquerading as something else. It’s what adults tell kids when they (the adults) don’t know the answer: it must be god. It must be ooga-booga. It must be MAGIC.

No — it’s not Magic. It’s NEVER Magic. Magic does not exist.

If a surgeon or pilot stepped out to say hello before getting down to work — and they said they had decided to forgo science today; instead they’ve placed the outcome of YOUR surgery or YOUR airplane journey in the hands of MAGIC (better hope it works!), I don’t think YOU would want them to continue.

There’s a reason.

Quick side note. I differentiate between “religion” and “spirituality”. I don’t equate spirituality with magic — though the relationship between them is fraught. Spirituality is awe. It’s wonder at what we don’t know yet. I also don’t necessarily equate magic with any religion’s core message — so long as the core message isn’t its magic. Take Jesus, for instance. One can laugh at Magical Thinking all while happily Doing Unto Others. You don’t need the magic to take a little good advice.