Republican Jesus Wasn’t “Born” Rotten, He EVOLVED That Way…

People in the media ask a lot these days — how can evangelicals stand with Donald Trump, the most corrupt, most immoral, least Jesus-like person to ever walk the planet?

It’s simple. Evangelicals & Fundamentalists don’t believe in “Jesus The Teacher”, they believe in “Jesus The Mascot”. Jesus the Maestro of Merch.

Doing unto others isn’t even taught in most churches. It’s too left wing. Too working class. But, misbehave yourself in one of a thousand different ways? They’ll “do unto you” so fast your head will spin.

True Fact: No Evangelical would recognize Jesus — even if they stopped mid-way through nailing Jesus to a cross to stop and spit in Jesus’ eye.

Wait… Didn’t You Used To Be Jesus?

Ever get nostalgic for the ‘Original Jesus’?  You know — the guy who washed the feet of poor people cos he was THAT humble?  No?  Not ringing any bells?

Welcome to Evolution.

From ‘Do Unto Others’ to ‘Do Unto Others So Long As They’re White” to “Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto You”.

They shoulda quit while they were ahead…

Actual Jesus-Pretend Jesus-Republican Jesus

 

 

 

My Jesus Can Beat Up Your Jesus

Actual Jesus-Pretend Jesus-Republican Jesus

I bet the ‘liturgy’ in ‘republican churches’ is lovely although it all sounds exactly like the “Money” by the Flying Lizards

The best things in life are free
But you can give them to the birds and bees
I want money
That’s what I want

No doubt the republicans also believe that THEIR Jesus can beat the snot out of anyone else’s Jesus…