What To Do When Your Imaginary Friend Is A Raging Asshole

We all have a friend or family member who “took to” religion while the rest of us ran from it screaming, our hair on fire.

You know, guys whose feeble “Hey, have ya heard the ‘good news’ and can I ‘give you my testimony’?” when they were newbies in the cult turned into full on Kenneth Copeland raging insanity?

Can we all please agree — Kenneth Copeland’s idea of “God” and anyone else’s have nothing to do with each other.

Hell, I bet Kenny Copeland’s idea of “God” and, say, Jerry Falwell, Jr’s idea of “God” don’t line up completely. Pick any televangelist you like — Jim Bakker, Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen — and make them put down in black and white what “God” is to them. Put those “What God Is” statements all up against each other and — take it to the bank — the idea of “God” — what he is (he’s a he to these jackals — that’s a stone cold fact), what he wants, what he really thinks — there will be massive discrepancies.

That’s not because “God” is such a “big idea”. It’s no bigger an idea than “Harry Potter” or any other inspired human creation. It’s because each and every one of those “god-fearing men” doesn’t fear “God” in the least. Why would they — they think THEY are “God”. That’s the point.

Put that notion in your head and re-watch Kenny explain himself. That’s not a man “serving” a higher power, that’s a man who thinks HE’S the “higher power”. And that’s the problem. Schmucks like Kenneth Copeland and Jerry Falwell, Jr are as atheistic as I am. If they honestly believed in a Big Daddy In The Sky, they’d be way better at doing what that Big Daddy has clearly said are His Rules. But they don’t.

It’s not a coincidence that the ultra religious are the ones caught so often with their pants down. The man who sexually assaulted me twice when I was 14 was the religious director at my family’s synagogue. All religious environments are thick with bullshit because the character(s) on which it all rests is entirely fictional.

At the very least, the character is entirely subjective. Witness the incredible variety of denominations even within denominations. How can that be — if this God character is so real and so clear about what he wants? As Kenny Copeland can tell you — God IS clear about what he wants. Kenny says God wants everyone to do what Kenny says. To tithe until it hurts to Kenny. To make Kenny even richer than he already is — and Kenny’s the richest preacher on the planet outside of the Pope.

All across the south — in Florida certainly — churches held services despite the warnings that those services would endanger everyone attending them AND anyone else they now come into contact with. They did this because the churches all insisted that THAT was what “God” wanted.

Really? Whose God? Oh, right — THEIRS.

And why would a religious person make it seem like their deity is a raging asshole — who doesn’t care about science or facts and doesn’t care if every person they know gets infected with coronavirus?

Say it with me, class: because THEY are a raging asshole. And their deity is just a little piece of them on display.

An Atheists Terrible Confession: I LOVE Televangelists…

As anyone who’s read me (or read my bio) knows — I’m not just an atheist, I’m a devout atheist.  I’m not hostile toward religion — because that seems pointless to me — in part because it’s not religion that’s the problem, it’s the silly people who take it unquestioningly to their breasts.  The moment you hang up your ability (or willingness or determination) to critically analyze everything before ‘consuming it’, they’ve got you.

‘Eat this because I say so and because I say it’s good for you,’ is a death sentence.

Among the things America has always been great for, it seems, is religious hucksterism.  I guess that along with all the other people coming here to reinvent themselves there are and were the Religious Con Men.  Not all of them know they’re con men but they are.  They’re all pitching the same nonsensical con that has NOTHING whatsoever to do with Jesus or anything Jesus might have said (as opposed to all those AROUND Jesus — like Paul — who had their own motives and — boring in on  Paul now — a towering ego).

Look at how many ‘Newfangled Religions’ have sprung from American minds:  “Mormonism” & “Scientology” leap immediately to mind.  Wonderful but fraudulent creations (hey — a ‘good story’s’ a good story — I may not like either story but other people have loved them so what the hell do I know?)

And even the way Americans ’embraced’ their Protestant Christianity was distinctly ‘Newfangled’.  From Southern Baptists to Prosperity Gospel-ites — American Christians have taken Christianity to places Jesus never imagined.  Cos Jesus wasn’t out to make a buck and rule the world.

And even among THAT group of phonies, liars, cheats and hypocrites, only a select few have risen to Bullshit’s Truest Heights.  Guys (mostly but not exclusively) who pitch Bullshit with True Artistry.  They are Grand Masters of Fraud.  To this humble atheist’s mind — they are, in fact, ‘SuperSalesmen For Christ’.

Too bad the Christ they’re selling has ZERO to do with Jesus or anything Actual Jesus said.  What they’re selling — and this is WHY I love them so — is their own ‘GODHEAD’.  Each and every one of em, down deep, believes THEY are GOD and should be ‘WORSHIPED’ accordingly.  Don’t believe me?  Look at their houses and jets and offices and, worst of all, THEIR CHURCHES.

Those aren’t ‘Temples to Do Unto Others’, they’re Self-Perpetuating TITHING FACTORIES.

Hope you brought cash, Pilgrims — your check simply will not do.  And we already know how your ‘credit’ is…

Ken Copeland
Kenneth Copland – Over-emoting Again – Like The Pro He Is…

Joel Osteen
Joel Osteen – ‘A God’ in the Pantheon of Religious Frauds

falwell200x250-01b6b979577d0249917a17c88ae480422e58b979-s300-c85
Reverend Jerry Falwell – Taking Hypocrisy Places It Never DREAMED It Could Go…

But, among Televangelists, several sit closest to the Fire inside my head.  First — the Televangelist who ‘took my televangelist cherry’:  The Long Gone but nowhere near forgotten (by me):  KATHERYN KUHLMAN (1907 – 1976)…

kathryn-kuhlman
Kathryn Kuhlman:  I dare you NOT to get swayed by a Master of The Art of Selling Jesus

Just watch the first 90 seconds.  You’ll get it.  You’ll get ‘her’.

 

Another Master — Of The ‘Healing’ Con.  PT Barnumm-class Showmanship all mashed up with Bernie Madoff-class Corruption — BENNY HINN!

Televangelist_Divorce_Gayl_t755_hcc86308216cdda59f207e3ac085d72a56bfa6a6f
 ‘BAM! You’re HEALED’!  BAM! You’re Full Of Shit!

And then there’s THIS GUY — My Ultimate Favorite — Cos I actually empathize with the poor guy.  In spite of EVERYTHING.  I won’t go into it here but — I’ve been working on a Feature Script about this guy forever.

Yes, Jimmy Swaggart has been a hypocrite.  Been caught at it spectacularly not once but TWICE.  And yet risen, like a Phoenix, anew both times.  It’s either the Power of Jesus (not buying it) or the Power of Ego.  Yeah — I’m buying.  Want my credit card # now?

1_t0Qynhih9AMzxTH6-zXpnQ
Judge Not Jimmy Swaggart Unless Ye Really KNOW Jimmy Swaggart… You’ll still want to judge him but maybe a little less harshly…

Uh oh — seeing all those faces just gave me a flash of Divine Inspiration.  I’m thinking TRADING CARDS!  T-Shirts n Coffee Mugs!

How about that — I’m saved!  Thank you, Jesus!  Where did you say to send the check?