What to do about Health Care got you tied up in knots? Join the party. Better STILL (since it’s the Age of Trump) EXPLOIT THE PARTY! With that in mind, meet New ‘TrumpCare PICK-AN-ORGAN’ —
Old Fashioned Health Insurance (OBAMACARE FOR INSTANCE) wants to TELL YOU what kind of Health Insurance YOU have to have. They want to tell YOU ‘what’ you have to insure — even if you don’t have such a thing ‘installed’ to insure.
Like that’s fair? Men shouldn’t have to pay for icky women’s parts and whatever mysterious things they do that costs so much freakin’ money! That’s not how insurance works (it IS? Well who cares — No one wants to swim in a ‘pool’ with some strange woman anyway).
That’s why we here at TrumpCare came up with our greatest great idea yet: TrumpCare “Pick-An-Organ”. Here’s how it works —
Think of Life as a Casino Game — and Your Body as ‘A Playah’ in that Casino.
Now — the point of the exercise — in the Casino Game — is to walk away with as much coin in your pocket as you can. You DON’T want YOUR money to end up in the CASINO’S pocket. So, you bet ‘smart’. You don’t bet YOUR money on things that’ll never pay off.
With that ‘strategy’ in mind, we offer a product that allows you to insure the internal organs that probably will go bad or, maybe, could go bad while saving some money by NOT insuring the organs that probably won’t go bad.
For instance — You have TWO LUNGS.
Odds are nothing will happen to either of em. But you want to play it safe — so we offer options to allow YOU to decide: Insure Neither Lung, One Lung or Both Lungs!
See? Easy! Now, of course, the trick is, if you insure just one? Ya better hope like hell you insured the correct Lung. The one needin’ insurance…
OR — LET’S TALK INTESTINES!
If you’re like the average Joe, you have LOTS of this stuff inside ya. You have intestines to spare. In fact, you have so much intestine you even have two kinds (I know — weird, huh?) But do you really need to insure both? Do you really need to insure ‘ALL’ of it?
And what about your APPENDIX? You don’t even use it — hell you haven’t used it in millions of years. Only an idiot insures something he can’t use — amiright?
I KNOW THAT’S MY LIVER BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ‘GREEN’ THING?
The Truth is — Outside of your heart and lungs, your stomach & your anus, you have, at best, a vague idea of how any of your plumbing works. You know, for instance, that you HAVE a Liver and you think you remember once a matronly old aunt talking about alcoholism and some other old aunt’s liver.
Be that as it may — What in hell’s name is that green thing — and please don’t say I have one…!
And please don’t make me ‘insure’ the stupid thing!
YOUR SPLEEN — 1-2-3-ANSWER QUICKLY: ‘WHAT’S IT DO?‘
Not a goddamned clue, amiright (and ‘it spleens’ ain’t it)?
Here – we’ll even show you a spleen and point out all its bits. Does THAT help? No?
And you want to insure this WHY?
AND THEN THERE’S THIS ORGAN…
Insuring brains is expensive. In fact, it’s SO expensive, you’d have to be crazy to pay the freight. So why bother. Hey — look at all the money YOU just saved!