Welcome To “THE IRONIC APOCALYPSE”. Have Your Passports Ready, please.

apocalypse-city (1)

I’ve always been a fan of the Book of Revelation.  It’s an actual rule in the Writers Guild — anyone who ever writes or wants to write a horror movie has to be a fan of (and be able to quote from and reference in detail) The Book of Revelation.  The Omen made that happen.

Where ‘The Omen’ is concerned — David Seltzer wrote a very clever script.  I had the very real pleasure of working for Richard Donner (who directed ‘The Omen’ — he was one of my bosses on ‘Tales From The Crypt’) and Dick was always very clear on WHY ‘The Omen’ was as successful as it was.  After getting a good scare in the movie theater, the audience all went home, opened up the Family Bible (it’s American, right?) and SAW THE EXACT WORDS exactly as quoted in the movie — as if, in a way, THE MOVIE HAD FOLLOWED THEM HOME.

There’s something in the various offshoots of American Christianity that seems to adore the idea of everything ending and a Magical State of Bliss suddenly becoming a Thing.  Of course, to GET to that Magical State of Bliss, pretty much everyone has to die (for the story magic to work I guess).  Bottom line — it is in the Nature of American Homegrown Christianity that for ‘something really good to happen, something really, really, REALLY BAD has to happen first’.  And that’s the part THEY love the most — because, by ITS Nature, that ‘something bad’ is the wrath of THEIR JUDGMENT on the World.

 

But then there’s the irony… Of course there was going to be irony.  Good thing it grows like weeds in these parts…

Our Religious Friends have, ‘strangely’, created a kind of situation here in Real Time that mimics in — okay, I’ll say it: ‘HORRIFYING WAYS’ — the very Apocalyptic Scenario imagined by ‘John’ the ‘author’ of the ‘Book of Revelations’.  And, as an ‘Apocalyptic Sign’ of that situation, I have SEEN 6 signs (as in ‘666’ — okay, it’s just one 6 but give me time and I know I’ll collect the whole set) that these signs will come to pass (or something like that):

SIGNS OF THE IRONIC APOCALYPSE

Shudder in fear, All Ye Who Enter Here.  At least wipe yer damned feet (I just mopped)…

  1. NATION UPON NATION — “How ’bout a little ‘Nuclear War’, Scarecrow?”  Donald Trump v Kim-Jong-Un.  Seems intensely dangerous and intensely phony at the same time…
  2. FAKE PROPHETS — which shares a SIGN with FAKE PROFITS — How much money did Fox pay out to Bill O’Reilly’s victims?
  3. MORAL DECAY — The irony being (DUH!) WHO’S ‘moral’ has ‘done decayed’.
  4. SIGNS IN THE STARS — Well, actually, those signs are a little closer to home right here on Planet Earth in the form of Climate-caused environmental disasters…
  5. A GREAT TRIBULATION — And the thing that consumes us all 24/7 as it has since Election Day 2016 isn’t ‘Great’ as ‘Tribulations’ go?  Last Tribulation I got involved in — it was nothing compared to this…
  6. EARTHQUAKES IN MANY PLACES — Okay, that’s a bit of a cheat.  This ‘John’ character didn’t know about Plate Tectonics.  What he was ascribing to ‘Magic’ is actually just Planet Earth being Planet Earth but — he’s not wrong:  IT IS HAPPENING!

So there ya go, Pilgrims!  The (Ironic) End Of Times are indeed upon us.  Cuddle up with your Sense of Humor, pull every last bit of Malicious Wit and Vicious Sarcasm you can to your breast and hug it tightly.

In the days ahead, these could save your soul.  Or not.

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