Dear MSM: I Speak Fluent ‘Thug’. Allow Me To Translate For The POTUS…

I come into this conversation bi-liingual.  My wife is British so we speak both American and English in my house (and believe me — there IS a difference beyond a few words).  My son was born in Vancouver so, by association, also I speak Canadian.

But even if I had no such ‘facility’ with languages other than American, I would have had to BECOME facile with them because I write screenplays and one of the basic, ‘You’re-Gonna-Have-To-Write-At-Least-One-Of-These-Suckers-Before-You-Die’ genres is the GANGSTER PICTURE.

Now, of course, gangsters (or ‘Gangstah’s’ as I believe they’re called now) being a kind of ‘club’ have developed their own ‘club language’.  ‘Gangster-Speak’ we call it in our Ivory Showbiz Towers… And having written a few scripts where I sprinkled snatches of ‘Gangsterese’ throughout, I feel just about qualified enough to TRANSLATE what our Gangster POTUS has tried to ‘communicate’ to us…

Being a ‘language’, Gangster has ‘rules’.  Well, kind of.  They’re fluid.  Like Gangsters.  For instance — When Donald Trump says a thing that the rest of us KNOW isn’t true, to Donald that’s not relevant.  To Donald, it may not be true now, but it COULD be — or WILL be — when he ‘changes’ it and ‘makes it’ true.  Gangster language works the same way.

So — when Gangster Donald says “No collusion, there was no collusion!” what he really means is ‘It doesn’t matter and even if you think it does, it doesn’t.”  See?  A seemingly simple concept — the empty denial of a crime — becomes a convoluted, windmilling distraction.  You’d almost think it was ‘by design’…

When Donald says “I think Mueller will be fair with me”, he means “He’ll let me off the hook”.  And if Mueller DOESN’T let him off the hook — “That Mueller was unfair!”  See?  The words themselves have no meaning.  And the underlying meanings are always distinct and clear:  “I’m Guilty — So Fucking What?”

End of the day?  That’s really all the Gangster (Trump version) you need to know.  Whatever Trump says — it’s a lie.  Assume the diametric opposite of what he says to be true.  Bet on it even.  You’ll die a wealthy person…

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