Welcome to ‘A L’s TV & Feature Film Pitchin’ Post’ – where TV ideas come to… well — that’s up to you now. Cos YOU’RE THE EXECUTIVE! (NOTE – this is just the FIRST in a series…)
And have I got a bunch of great ideas (okay — I’m biased) — all inspired by our friends in the republican party. Yeah — it’s true. The republican party has inspired me — and THEY (of all people) are going to make ME filthy, stinking rich.
Here’s my whole mantra: republicans are conservatives, conservatives want to conserve, what if we conserve THEM as characters in OLD TV SERIES — see how that flows? Okay, okay — I know — sounds weird but — stay with me here. You will not regret it.
A lot of republicans are about to be out of work. The lucky ones will ONLY be out of work. The rest will be out of work AND behind bars. So I may bump into ‘casting issues’ with some of these ideas but — as we’re always fond of saying in show business: “We’ll drive off THAT bridge when we come to it”.
FIRST IDEA — This guy TED CRUZ inspires something in me. After the revulsion, I mean.
Ted — please, listen to me here: I can make YOU a STAR. I can. I really, really can. Bonus? I have not one but TWO ideas for ya, Ted!
Idea Number One: “MEAN OL’ TED”. Ted plays a shrill, small-minded, vindictive handyman who’s way more shrill, small-minded and vindictive than he is handy. See how that works? Not a fish out of water — more like… a dung beetle in dung.
In the PILOT — Ted gets hired to work in a SENIOR CARE FACILITY. But, of course, the moment he gets there? Ted hates everyone — and sets out to make that fact known. Hilarity, of course, ensues.
For instance — a nice old woman who’s hard of hearing needs the batteries in her TV remote replaced. Ted goes in — batteries in his pocket — and pretends HE’S the one who’s hard of hearing. When the EMT crew comes to paddle the nice old woman back to life an hour later? The batteries are still in Ted’s pocket.
Did I say hilarity ensues? It does. It ensues in droves (if that’s possible).
Ted Cruz Idea Number Two:
Remember THIS GUY, Ted?
That’s right — MR ED. Except now — you’re already ahead of me, aren’t you — it’s “MR TED”. Except — cos of the casting now — it’s not about a TALKING HORSE, it’s about — ah, you’re ahead of me again, aren’t you — it’s about A TALKING HORSE’S ASS instead…
Next up — MITCH MCCONNELL — and my take on “HOGAN’S HEROES” recast in a Federal Prison Facility: “MITCH’S ZEROES”…